I've realized this blog is more about a vent of my feelings more than anything else. Aside from the boy, I have big news. I've told my closest brothers in the fraternity that i'm gay. And, surprisingly, they have taken it wonderfully.
The normal Q&A, "pitcher or catcher"? "Where do you meet these guys?" (One of them was curious enough to actually go through Manhunt and Adam 4 Adam with me)
Aside from that, I still think about my old flame constantly. He called me last week, we discussed life and internship opportunities over the summer (we're finance geeks- another reason I love this kid).
I just need to chill out sometimes. The whole long distance bullshit got to me when we were together, and it still does when were apart. Maybe this is a sign that I truly do love him and I need to just "man up" and stick it out? Who knows. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw right now (yes, the masculine bud light drinking frat boy also finds time for sex and the city) with this blog, but its a nice source of drunk venting rather than drunk texting... after all, second only to drunk driving is dangerous, drunk enduced blackberry facebooking/blackberry messaging (bbm)/ texing.
So its been about a month since ive been back at school. Long story short, which i'll probably explain in later blogs, technically I have broken up with my boyfriend. We still talk constantly and love each other. Yeah, Im aware. Its absurd. But I did it for him.
We still talk about our future... with each other. It might be unhealthy, but I still see myself with him after this semester. Damn certain obligations at our school, but I am still so close with him and his family it seems almost as if we did this for technicalities.
Hope to god that it all works out. I thought I could be more of a man about the situation, you know.. talk to him once and a while, not think about it. Figures that I have a dream about him last week. Nothing sexual, just him showing up to the city and us going out to dinner.. then I wake up. Wierd, huh?
On Pandora, I'm listening to my "musical" station (dont judge) and Mamma Mia's "Take a Chance on Me" just came on. I remember back in middle school when I used one of the lyrics to write a note to a girl that I liked... It seemed gay at the time, and looking back on its sure as hell gay now.
I guess thats the point of this new blog. I'm a gay frat boy- the catch is, I don't fit the stereotype of "gay". I love football and Coors Light like a fat boy loves cake. When I met my boyfriend's parents (my first boyfriend, and trust me, blogs to come on that complicated mess), siblings and friends they thought I was straight and he was disillusioned.
I've known I was gay since high school, but kept up appearances. I went to one of those "prestigious" all-boys schools in the northeast and being gay was about as desirable as being apart of the maintenance staff... so I had girlfriends, made fun of the queers and (attempted) to play sports to keep up with what was expected of me.
It was only as of late that I wanted to actually (on a small scale) tell people that were close to me who I actually was. So far, its been working out wonderfully (which has been surprising to me) as everyone i've told seems to love me more after the fact.
I would guess the whole point of this blog is to tell about my experiences of the past, describe the present and hope for the good things that lie ahead.
Its a complicated life, and I hope to enlighten those who might be in my situation... and entertain those who are not.